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Does my CAP define me?

by Esther Yeoh | 30 May 2018, 4:41 PM

I used to hate it when people said grades don’t define you.

I certainly felt defined by my CAP (cumulative average point). It’s a grading system that decides whether you’ll graduate and how well you’ll graduate. It decides your pay grade, the amount you can save in ten years, the house you can buy, whether or not you get a car, whether you can send your kids to university, whether you can provide for your parents …

“CAP doesn’t define you” sounded a lot like a platitude to me. Saying that does not make someone who just flunked something feel any better. In fact, it makes us feel like you don’t understand.

As a student, I entered university to learn and to have a good time. So I didn’t think CAP would be a problem. I was told that when I got to university I would enjoy what I did – I thought that meant I’d do good in it too.

When I was in Year 1 and the grades weren’t that bad at the end of the first year, I wasn’t too bummed. I still enjoyed learning at the end of the day. Year 2 ended and the grades had began to plunge: I enjoyed myself, but it started to weigh on me that my CAP was a bigger influence on my life than I had thought it would be.

It was Year 3 where my CAP had plunged to the point where anymore of a drop would prevent from moving on to Honours Year. Terrified, I wondered that maybe I wasn’t cut out for this after all – or maybe I didn’t trust God enough. Maybe I should have studied harder (though I honestly studied my head off).

To appreciate the still small voice, it has to be contrasted with the fire, earthquake and wind.

My brain kept beating itself up that I wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t even that I was a failure to my parents or society. To everyone who knew me, I was happy, enthusiastic and even somewhat of an achiever.

But I knew I had failed myself. I failed despite all my hours of hard work. I failed in living up to an upbringing that had taught me discipline and resilience.

I failed myself, and I couldn’t live with that.

Above all, I was questioning where God was in all of this? Isn’t Jesus supposed to define me?

Where was He then? Where was He when I honoured Him, put Him as my number one priority … And yet I felt like He failed me? Where was He at my weakest?

I thought of Elijah in the wilderness (1 Kings 19). All alone, he was running for his life. And Elijah asked God where He was in his time of need?

The Bible says that there was a great wind, then an earthquake, then a fire – but God wasn’t in any of them. God was in the still, small voice. He was there. He was always there.

To appreciate the still small voice, it has to be contrasted with the fire, earthquake and wind. If I never had any trials, I wouldn’t understand what it means to know God is there for me. He is my gentle whisper – my comfort through it all.

It’s true that your CAP will decide a lot of things in life. But Jesus defines me: I am a child of God.

Nothing can change the truth that the still small voice of God will be there in every wind and fire and earthquake that comes my way. So while CAP may play a role in deciding things like how much I earn, it is God who directs my destiny.

So, maybe don’t tell people it “doesn’t define them” in a way that makes it seem like you’re shrugging off the reality of their disappointment or pain. Tell them instead that it’s okay to grieve and feel pain – it’s normal to be sad and frustrated about failure.

Let them hear the still small voice of Jesus through you, telling them to go on. CAP, grades, accolades … These things are important, but they will fade away someday.

Only God’s gentle whispers – His Word – never will (Matthew 24:35).

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Are you a 5% student?

by | 13 August 2018, 10:47 PM

Being a 5% student is one of the running jokes I have with my friends whom I serve with in church. The reason being this: We don’t spend much time in school during the term. And even when we’re in school, we’re usually attending meetings, having meal appointments, or planning for church ministry.

It’s only in the final weeks of the semester, with impending essay deadlines and exams, where we pull all-nighters as we scramble to cover one semester’s worth of content within a couple of days.

But as I approach my fourth and final year in university, my friends and I recognise that while we may responsible leaders in church, we’re certainly not the most model students around. And therein we have a problem.

Granted, it’s hard. Most of us, whether we’re involved in church ministries or not, are part-time students and full-time jugglers.

We juggle all the expectations we have of ourselves and those that others have of us – be it parents, friends, university, extra-curricular activities, and as we proceed, we just hope that we don’t drop anything.

I’m always thankful for the flexibility of university life because not only do I get the freedom to attend classes that I am interested in, I’m also in control of my schedule and should be able to plan for the amount of time/effort required for each t0-do.

But with a college student’s schedule that fills up so easily and quickly, the time/effort allocated for each item is often far underestimated. What happens then?

Most of us end up constantly arranging and living our lives according to our shifting priorities – myself included. What demands my attention now? What is the most pressing issue I must settle?

And who else gets me when I say that studies very easily becomes one of the last priorities throughout the semester, simply because nothing is due that urgently? The stack of recommended readings only ever seems to increase in size.

Chasing priorities in life, however, leaves us drained and physically exhausted quickly. And to replenish our energy, we “borrow” time from yet another priority. Again, it’s usually our studies that take a further hit.

It seems understandable to skip a couple of lectures or tutorials here and there – we will catch up on the work eventually, right? Yet we only have a finite 24 hours a day, so whatever time is lost, is gone, never to be seen again.

Each of us is a multitude of identities: We are students, we are leaders, we are team-mates, we are sons and daughters, we are brothers and sisters. But how easily we forget that we are also, most importantly, bearers of His name.

Wouldn’t it be alarming if our classmates looked at our indifferent attitude towards school and asked, “Does this mean that as a Christian, you will have no time to study?” Perhaps we must consider that our testimonies as people of God must measure up wherever we go – from church, to family, to school.

There just might be a need to take a hard but truthful look at your school work to evaluate your attitude – and corresponding efforts – towards this station of life that you’re in. Are your mediocre results because of a lack of revision? Did you write this paper the day before the deadline because of poor time management?

Here’s a big one for many of us: What is your class attendance like?

As Christians, we have the privilege of grace that surpasses our weaknesses and inadequacies even in school work, but we also have the responsibility of bearing a good testimony for the sake of Christ (1 John 5: 10) – in the school as much as we are in the church – or all the more so!

God is just as present when we are in school as when we are in church.

Bearing good testimony therefore involves honouring the standards of the educational institution we are in because that honours God as well. God is just as present when we are in school as when we are in church. Why else will be given this sphere of influence with this group of people – for such a time as this?

He will not waste any means – yes, even the least exciting classes we’re stuck in week in and week out – that He can use to save some. That is, those who cross our paths because we are where we are.

In the new, upcoming semester, my challenge to you, whether you are a freshmen or a returning student, by all means possible, is to be a good testimony for Christ in your schools.

Hopefully from there, you will find it easier to plan a schedule that honours God through all your commitments: A 100% student, 100% Christian.

/ samanthaloh@thir.st

Samantha is a creative who is inspired by the people and stories around her. She also loves striped tees and would love to pass her collection down to her future children. Currently level 1127 on Candy Crush.

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A note to the freshmen

by Ann Ng | 10 August 2018, 5:43 PM

It’s the time of the year when universities are once again filled with the cheers and excitement from the new batch of freshmen.

It’s a season of new beginnings that many people look forward to and anticipate. As a final year student now, walking past the orientation camps in school, I recall that starting university was exciting … yet something I was apprehensive about.

Will I get to make new friends? Will I like my course of study? Where will this lead me to? These were all questions I had in my head. I remember googling seniors’ blogs, reading about their orientation experiences and module reviews and seeing where they are at now in life. All of this actually overwhelmed me, rather than giving me any assurance.

And even after 3 years in university, I am still learning and do not have perfect advice for my juniors. Nevertheless, there are 4 things close to my heart that I wish someone had shared with me at the start.

4 HANDLES FOR FRESHERS

1. Know that you are loved

My first university orientation camp was a culture shock to me. As an introvert, meeting 20 new people in an orientation group was very intimidating. Coupled with being forced to shout cheers in a language I could barely recognise as English, I felt out of place most of the time.

The seniors were friendly and caring but I often found myself questioning if I was loud enough, competitive enough or even pretty enough for others. I felt the strong need to impress people, even if it meant being someone I was not. I desired to be well-liked, I wanted more friends, I wanted to be loved …

“For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” (Isaiah 54:10)

I was not a Christian then, but had I known that God loves unconditionally and deeply, I would have felt much less need to impress others for this false sense of worth. Now I know my identity and security is in Christ alone, whose love is even more steadfast and everlasting than the mountains and the hills.

In 3 years of university life, I’ve experienced disappointment, heartbreak and rejection. But through it all, God’s faithful love never failed – I am treasured and you are too!

… had I known that God loves unconditionally and deeply, I would have felt much less need to impress others for this false sense of worth.

2. Chase God’s Kingdom

In university, everyone seems to be chasing something: Grades, leadership positions, internships, life partner … Sometimes all of the above at once!

Having friends who are go-getters, I was pressured to believe that the more things I chased, the better I was at making the most out of university life. It’s not wrong to seize opportunities for personal growth. But I realised along the way, I lost sight of what is ultimately the most important thing – God. I had lost sight of His purpose for me.

“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” (Colossians 3:2)

Our minds and hearts are wired to be most satisfied when we pursue God. If I could redo the past 3 years of university life, I would want to focus more on chasing God – reading His Word, speaking to Him and serving Him.

3. Surrender to Him

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10)

For all my coping mechanisms with stress in university, this verse that my senior gave me proved to be the most reassuring thing of all. As much as I wish to control how my life will turn out, I know that a lot of things are out of my hands. The question is whose hands is my life in. So it was encouraging to know that as long as we are walking with God, we only need to trust that He will fight for us.

What grace to know that God is with us!

4. Reach out!

If not for the Christian friends who continuously reached out to me, I would never have known about the good news of Jesus and received Him into my life.

So reach out. Not just to fellow Christians, but also non-Christians.

I learnt that it might not necessarily be a formal thing, like joining an evangelistic community in school. It can be as simple as being intentional in conversations with others, and by lifting God high through your actions and modelling His love to those around you. You will never know the full extent your life can impact someone else’s when you let Christ to work through you!

These were handles that would have helped me, had I known them before starting university. Now that you do, I’m praying that you will end up learning even better lessons at the end of your university life, as you desire and pursue God!

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A letter to my younger self

by Loo Kee Wei | 8 August 2018, 4:02 PM

Dear Kee Wei,

You might be apprehensive about this upcoming sojourn into another Singapore educational institution.

You would think that you’ve seen it all after twelve years in the system, having gone through streaming, PSLE, and the A-levels. For all that it promised – self-realisation, meaning and fulfilment after scoring those A’s, of course— the twelve years seem to be an abject failure, resulting in a weariness that your fellow companions might be able to identify with.

You are tired of the intense competition – the constant comparisons between you and your peers in a bid to evaluate your performance in the name of meritocracy. Your disenchantment with entering university is to be expected after twelve arduous years in the system. I do not blame you. At least you are honest with yourself.

You might think that entering university is nothing special.

Perhaps it hasn’t occurred to you that not everyone gets the opportunity to enter university, and that this opportunity is a gift. To be able to spend four years attending lectures and tutorials, reading and going to labs may seem to be a boring extension of the twelve years that you’ve already endured.

But think about it. In a world that is plagued by poverty and pain, you have the privilege to spend four years studying what you like.

If you had your own way, you’d probably keep to yourself for the next upcoming four years. But I should also remind you that you’re a Christian, and Christians are more often than not called to a way that isn’t the usual path. You might insist on your own way, and there is not much I can do about it.

But the truth is being a Christian in university is going to be a herculean effort. You will need all the help you can get. This help may come in different forms: Fellow students who share your struggles, passionate professors who are excited about their classes, patient bus drivers and friendly canteen vendors.

We think that achieving the elusive “5.0” and appearing on the Dean’s List will satisfy us, but these worldly achievements often end up disappointing.

Perhaps you are still mulling over Esther’s invitation to join a student ministry on campus. All I can say to you at this point in time is that it will definitely be worth a shot. The culture at large affects us more than you think it does. The subliminal messages sent through the work ethics and priorities of your fellow students are oftentimes the most insidious ones.

We think that achieving the elusive “5.0” and appearing on the Dean’s List will satisfy us, but these worldly achievements often end up disappointing. I love how Marva Dawn puts it: “We scramble after the security of personal status and think that we will be invincible after we have climbed the corporate ladder and demanded human respect— only to discover our perpetual vulnerability.”

Perhaps you need friends who will remind you that you don’t have to do this alone.

You might be surprised at the thoughtful conversations you will have with friends like Joanne. She mentioned how her time in student ministry opened her eyes to another world she had paid little attention to previously, how she was challenged to ask questions that she would not have otherwise asked.

In our world which scoffs at anything less than perfect, a community that allows you to make mistakes as they embrace you with grace is hard to come by. I sincerely hope you will not let this golden opportunity pass you by.

Remember, your time in university is not yours to spend as you wish.

Perhaps you need mentors and peers who might help you figure out what it means to be a Christian commissioned to the university.

I know you think that being a Christian in university is primarily about excellence – exemplary conduct in classes, submitting good work, scoring well. But that’s just a small part of the exciting mandate God has for you in university. We have a much larger calling from God. This may seem daunting, but there is no need to fear, for Christ goes before us into the university.

Our call is merely to be faithful to Him.

I pray that you will use your time in university wisely. Remember, your time in university is not yours to spend as you wish. Christians are called to follow Jesus, who chose a way other than their own. You identify yourself as part of the Church, and I should remind you that the Church needs you to nurture your intellectual gifts during these four years.

You will need all the help you can get as a sojourner entering this new season. What a time to be alive!

Sincerely,

Your Older Self


This article was first published on NUS Varsity Christian Fellowship’s website, and is republished with permission.

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What I got out of four years in university

by Joel Teng | 6 August 2018, 12:25 PM

No amount of words can encapsulate the feeling I possess in this very moment.

I am joyful that I am at the end of my undergraduate life. But I also feel some degree of regret as there are things I haven’t achieved in university. And there is that amalgamation of anxiousness and excitement as I transit to the next phase of life.

It has been four years in university! This moment seemed so distant. Now a few exams, projects and holidays later, I am facing this reality – 19 years of my life in academia has arrived at a conclusion.

And as it starts to sink in, I wonder if I’m ready.

Somewhat, perhaps. I’ve never believed anyone can ever be 100% ready but I’m confident that university has prepared me to enter the workforce well.

A successful university education may mean stellar grades for some. To others, it might mean a greater sense of career direction or a passport to the next phase. But for me, university was a place where I learned grit, to make friends and network, and grew as a person.

Though I always gave each semester my best shot, I found that my results didn’t always match my effort. Yet I still wanted to glorify and lift God up in my life, even as my GPA was on its way down.

So I learnt grit – to keep on keeping on.

19 years of my life in academia has arrived at a conclusion … I wonder if I’m ready.

I have met so many people here. I’ve reconnected with old friends, I’ve made new ones. Some of them have become a lot closer to me, leaving their footprints on the sands of my heart.

Friendships taught me a lot and showed me new perspectives of companionship. I have learnt to not overshare, and to determine the depth of my friendships. Most aren’t as comfortable at sharing as I am, and that’s OK – I have learnt to respect that.

So God has grown me into a much more emotionally mature person. He has helped me to conquer the fears of my past, surrounded me with good friends and encouraging professors. Jesus really has been with me these last 4 years.

I have learnt to love myself more. I’ve learnt to speak firmly but gently when I feel that people are out of line. More importantly, I have learnt to forgive and to choose each battle carefully.

God has grown me in empathy, to love those who I once thought were unlovable. In humility, I’ve begun to see them in a new light. It means so much to be someone’s confidant and to be able to share heart-to-heart.

All these things would have been out of reach had God not dealt with my insecurities and my past.

I started my university life being so jealous of other people who I thought were smart and good-looking.

I refused to befriend them because I thought poorly of myself. I thought that they had no need for me – people who were in a league of their own. But I forgot that they were also people with real problems too. So God taught me how to care for them and love them too.

God used my story, painful as it was, to give hope to the friends I shared it with. It was worthwhile because He made me a more effective listener and a friend. And God has made me a lot bolder. Now I dare to actually try new things rather than just sit on ideas.

Finding my passion in Him, I’ve become passionate for other things in life like working in sales, volunteering at events, attending camps, and serving in various roles. Through these activities, I learnt what I like and dislike and what I’m good or bad at. Now I have a clearer picture of what I can and want to do in the future as I step into the great unknown.

Jesus really has been with me these last 4 years.

Tomorrow is a winding, narrow road with tall hills and valleys. But I have accepted that challenges are a part of life. Growth is continual and my Lord is eternal.

If He is for me, who shall be against me?

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Article list

Does my CAP define me?

Are you a 5% student?

A note to the freshmen

A letter to my younger self

What I got out of four years in university

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