I was one of those people who always knew their “calling.”
Even while I was still in secondary school, God had already put it on my heart to become a teacher. This was an aspiration which was continuously reaffirmed over the years through personality tests and the encouragement of my friends and family.
One of the most important of these “stepping stones” happened right before I enrolled into NTU. Though I had just met her one night ago, my Korean friend asked me what my dream or ambition in life was. I simply told her I wasn’t sure (though I was) because I don’t normally share my life deeply to acquaintances.
Then she told me what God had told her — to tell me I should become a teacher.
We are not alone: God is with us. And we are not lost — God is leading us!
That was a great confirmation for my calling, which further aligned my heart to God’s purposes.
So I never once worried about what I would do after I graduate. I trusted in God: If He called me to be a teacher — He would surely make a way as I continued to work excellently for Him.
I clung on to God throughout all the setbacks — even when I failed 2 core modules in the same semester which tanked my GPA. Most people would have been devastated — but I wasn’t. I believed that God’s calling for me would not be thwarted. So I put that setback behind me and worked even harder and my grades rebounded.
Eventually, I reached my final semester when it was time to apply for jobs. And because I was so sure of my calling, I only applied for one job — teaching.
In February, I applied for the Post Graduate Diploma Education (PGDE) program with MOE which would be the start to becoming a teacher. I went for my interview in March and everything went really smoothly. After coming out of that interview, I was just so confident in God.
All that I had left to do was wait for my acceptance letter.
Later that month MOE rejected my application.
It’s okay, God I trust in You! I just have to try again! I was honestly a little sad, but I knew that God is in control — I just needed to trust in His timing and plans.
I felt alright about it that week right up till Good Friday service, which was when I broke down. I was expecting my pastor to preach about the usual Easter message, about how Jesus died on the cross for our sins … But he didn’t.
Instead his message was that even though life can be messed up, we can sing in the storm because we are not alone: God is with us. And we are not lost — God is leading us!
God makes a road in the wilderness and a river in the desert for us. As I listened to the sermon, I couldn’t hide my emotions anymore! I realised how confused, lost and angry I felt — how hurt I was at God for that rejection letter.
It was a huge blow which didn’t make sense to me. Why did God call me there if the answer was no in the end?
I spent the whole night after service crying out to God through this song. But it was so hard to sing the lyrics.
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul
I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
That was a really tough and emotional week for me. But through it all, I know that God wants to see my heart changed and renewed in His love.
In hope, I’m waiting for the next round of applications to open. I won’t give up this calling I have received. At least for now, I’m sure it’s still this. Even though things are not going the way I thought they would, I don’t doubt the plans God has for my life.
I am always going to trust Him.