I was raised by my grandmother until I was 11 years old. I had more freedom after I returned to live with my parents and siblings and began to pick up bad habits such as smoking. At that time, some neighbourhood boys started to bully me. A few months later, I decided that I would not be a victim any longer, and joined a secret society.
This was the beginning of my downward spiral of depravity.
At 13, I was arrested and charged as an armed robber, ending up at a boys’ home. This meant that I was given the freedom to continue my studies, but under the strict supervision of hostel guardians.
Instead of becoming a better person from the discipline enforced, the home became a haven where vices abounded. I learnt about other criminal activities from the boys there and got myself into more trouble as I sought to follow in the footsteps of my peers.
When I was released from the hostel, I began experimenting with a variety of drugs until I was 18, the time for enlistment into National Service. Army life however, did not change me – I continued using drugs, and would often be absent without official leave. I was sentenced to the Detention Barracks four times, and took four years to finish my National Service.
I continued committing various offences even after I entered the workforce, and I was charged for drug possession, cheating and causing hurt. I also began taking “hard” drugs, some of which were life threatening.
I was dealt several prison sentences. In 2006, I met a fellow prisoner whom I once sold drugs to. Due to these drugs, his leg had been amputated. Despite this, he did not blame me. Instead, he passed me a small Bible which contained the four Gospels. He then invited me to join the group he was meeting with for fellowship – which turned out to be held by Alpha – and weekend chapel services.
I agreed, mainly because it was much more enjoyable meeting other people than being confined to my cell. Another reason I often joke about was that we never saw any women in prison, and there were actually women to be seen in the Alpha videos we were watching!
During the first session, I felt strangely moved during the time of worship. I continued to attend the chapel services and as time went on, began to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings with the group.
Unable to sleep, I prayed, “God please turn things around. I don’t want to be killed.”
At Alpha, we also learned how to pray. While I was not entirely convinced that this “worked”, I was surprised that some of my prayers were actually answered.
I once got into an argument with a senior inmate while working in the kitchen. Though it did not escalate into a physical fight, I was fearful of what might happen after. I wondered if he would attack and kill me with a kitchen knife. Unable to sleep, I prayed, “God please turn things around. I don’t want to be killed, and I don’t want to continue being in here because of another offence committed while in prison.”
The next day, we worked together again, but he did not attack me! Instead, he talked to me in a very gentle, patient way. I thought, “This is impossible!” Right then, I remembered my prayer – it must have been answered – and this must indeed be a real God!
I slowly began to believe in God, but remained self-centred. After my release from prison, I secured a job and did well, receiving a promotion and managing a small team. However, my old vices began to return.
One day, I started a fight that was so bad, it left me unconscious. When I opened my eyes, I was on a hospital bed, with wounds inflicted by glass bottles. My brother was by my bedside, but informed me that my parents were too disappointed with me to visit. I was also going to be on trial for what I’d done.
And it only got worse: The doctor gave me painkillers for my injuries, which triggered my old drug habit. Once I was discharged, I returned to taking drugs. Eventually I overdosed, collapsing at work. As I recovered I asked myself, “Why have I gone down this same path, yet again?”
That was my first struggle and fall after accepting Jesus into my life. The difference this time was that in the past, I used to fear nothing except death, I now feared nothing except God. This fear struck my conscience, and I was driven to tears.
Prior to this, I had only cried in my younger years, but this time, God’s love melted away the deep pain in my heart and I resolved to recommit my life to Him.
Although I was behind bars yet again, I felt a freedom that I had not experienced previously.
I was sentenced to prison again because of the fight, but I decided to use my time there to share the Gospel with friends I met during previous incarcerations. I requested prayer from my Christian friends and continued attending chapel, keeping my focus on God and praying every night, asking Him to help me from reverting to my “old self”.
Although I was behind bars yet again, I felt a freedom that I had not experienced previously.
When I was released, I told my parents that a halfway house would be a better place for me, to bring some discipline to my life. During my time at Breakthrough Missions, I joined an Alpha group and once again experienced peace and joy as I spent time with the Christian community there.
I have since re-entered the workforce. In my personal life, I enjoy learning and recently completed a one year Bible Study Programme. In order to “give back” to the people who once helped me, I’ve been volunteering at Breakthrough Missions and helping to run Alpha there.
While I am still a work in progress, I believe that God is constantly moulding me to be a better man each new day. I do continue to face struggles at work and in ministry, but in times of difficulties I know that my God is always with me, and I pray that He will continue to use me for His purposes.
Alpha is a series of interactive sessions exploring the Christian faith. Anyone can run Alpha, and everyone is invited to attend.
This April, Alpha Singapore is hosting Empower, a centralised team training for all who are interested in running Alpha, or the Marriage and Parenting courses. If you would like to learn more about Alpha and how you can use this tool to engage your community, do sign up for Empower! More details, including the registration form, can be found here.
