I’m a dreamer.
I have an idealistic version of every possible situation in life. I take joy in imagining the best case scenarios and its fruition.
Some ideals are universal: We all want loving and conflict-free relationships, jobs we never dread going to, a happy family, a decent education. At the end of the day, we all want lives filled with joy and fulfilment.
The problem is: Whose joy? Whose fulfilment? Whose ideal life are we living: Ours or God’s?
For example, instead of finding joy in our work, what if this joy could be found in seeing God working through our work? Instead of seeking happiness in what a partner can offer us, how about finding it by looking at how God has been moulding us as a couple?
I’ve had to put some of my dreams to death. My human response was to be frustrated with God — I felt like I had to make a huge sacrifice in giving up the things that I thought would have brought me much joy.
In my finite mind, forsaking my dreams came at a huge cost. These were dreams I’d spent most of my life chasing and yearning after. My picture of an ideal husband. My idea of a dream job.
Without Him, we can never have true, pure and unbridled joy. Everything else is a discounted version of it.
But I’m reminded that the trade-up is infinitely, always in my favour when I choose His will over my own. God is the giver of my purpose and joy. He’s the one who crafts the things that I derive joy from and puts this same desire into my DNA. I believe that God knows me, and would never hold anything good from me if I walk with Him (Psalm 84:11).
I still struggle with feelings of regret whenever I think about the dreams that I’ve had to lay down. But I’ve learnt that instead of shaking my fists at God, I should go to Him with my requests and doubts, knowing that He will give me a peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7).
I’ve learnt that while I shouldn’t always pursue the things that I want, I can always pursue joy in Him. He honours those who honour him (1 Samuel 2:30). When I seek God in all I do, I will ultimately find the joy that I’ve been looking for.
Ultimately, He knows what lights me up and what gives me passion and satisfaction. If I follow him all the days of my life, goodness and love will follow me (Psalm 23:6).
So instead of striving to make it on my own, blindly pursuing the fleeting joys of life, I’ve learnt to find it all with Him. Even if I’ve had to let go of my dreams, I know that He won’t let go of me (Hebrews 13:5).
Without Him, we can never have true, pure and unbridled joy. Everything else is a discounted version of it. God alone is the fullness of our joy (Psalm 16:11).