Are you scared to be lonely (in Church)_

“God why is there no one in church I can talk to?”

That was the desperate question I found myself praying after a time. I have been going to the same family church ever since I was in kindergarten. Most of my peers in church are friends I’ve grown up with ever since I was a kid.

So loneliness was a foreign concept to me. It was something I never experienced in church – an impossibility in my mind.

There was a point in time when I got very involved in school activities while my friends got more and more involved in church activities.

Suddenly I found I couldn’t connect with my childhood friends anymore – brothers and sisters who I could turn to whenever I had something to say.

Something had changed. I slowly started to feel alone in my own skin. There was this invisible barrier that I felt and I began to second-guess myself if I was doing something wrong.

How was it that I felt lonely among my friends? I started to get very confused especially whenever I heard about this idea of a spiritual community. Weren’t these guys supposed to stand by me and encourage me in the faith when the going got tough? 

What is “fellowship”, really?

Maybe you feel like you’re marginalised in church. Maybe you think you’re all alone.

If you’re struggling with finding spiritual community or on the brink of quitting church because you feel unknown, can I just encourage you that God sees what you’re facing? God knows (Proverbs 15:3).

We mustn’t let our circumstances stop us from seeing the greater story that He is doing in our lives and stories. We may know in our mind that God knows our struggles and pains, but sometimes we let those same struggles and pains drown the truth out.

God has a purpose and reason for every season and situation even if we don’t feel that way. He is no less God in your shadows and no less God through your heartaches.

God sees what you’re facing. God knows.

Isaiah 55:8-9 tells us of the sovereignty of God and how we can rest in the fact that His ways and thoughts are higher than our thoughts.

Trusting in God requires faith. Are we fixing our eyes on things above or focusing on ourselves? Our faithful God sees and hears the cries of our heart.

He is waiting to draw us closer to Him into His presence where we can find fullness of joy.

There are also a number of things to do when we feel lonely in church. We can proactively improve the situation. 

We can start by asking fellow brothers and sisters to pray for us. And it’s always good to get out there: We can volunteer for activities and events so we get to serve the Lord as a team!

If we aren’t plugged into a cell group, it’s a good idea to seek out spiritual community that meets regularly. What’s most important is to not passively wallow in self-pity, but to make the changes that we can.

The church is a family of Christ. You have a part in it and a place at the table. 

The cure for loneliness: Finding peace in a Table For One

Loneliness is certainly not the end as we have the best friend of all time! And He has certain promises for us.

This what Jesus says to all who are His disciples and obey the Great Commission: “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20b).

Faithful servant of the Lord, He is with you for all time. Choose faith over feelings and acknowledge the God’s presence in your life. He is Emmanuel – God with you and I. 

Jesus Christ came to bring us salvation – a final chance to restore our broken relationship with God. We can call out to Him whenever we feel like we are unable to do anything because it is He who can do everything.

Seek Him for yourself. Pray for a spiritual community in which you can journey alongside each other to know Christ more. Both in the church as well as in school.

You have the greatest friend in Jesus Christ.

About the author

Arel Koh

Arel believes everyone has a story to share. He is also the proud owner of a Spotify playlist called “Wholesome songs arranged in the order of their key” to fuel his passion for meaningful creativity. Do check it out if you are interested!