Relationships

The greater purpose of our relationships

Sharon Lim // March 25, 2019, 2:20 pm

Relationship-build-holiness

In 2017, I shared about my struggles in making sense of singlehood and the importance of being made whole while you’re still single. Almost more than 1.5 years later, I found my Boaz.

My husband-to-be and I first met on a Christian singles’ dating platform. After spending some time getting to know him, I realised we share the same values.

He is soft-spoken and gentle, but always eager to serve. His life goal is to pursue what God wants him to do. I felt like I found a good and godly man after God’s own heart.

With constant prayer and assurance that God was with me every step of the way, we started dating. Now we’re in the midst of preparing for our wedding, which will take place next year.

Dear heart, I’m so glad I didn’t settle for less

Everyone would think that this is my “happily ever after”. Well, yes and no. 

Being someone who is introspective, I tend to think a lot. Many times I would ask God about this relationship and His purpose for me. 

“Holiness,” He would say. But I would ask: “What do you mean?”

As the relationship progressed, however, I began to understand what He meant.

My husband-to-be is very different from me, and we have our usual couple quarrels. When we face challenging conflicts, I would lament to God: “God, I can’t do this alone. It’s too difficult.”

Yet when I complained to Him in prayer, He revealed to me my own flaws. I realised I wasn’t as patient, as loving, as understanding, as reasonable and as good-tempered as I thought. 

At first, I was devastated. It felt like a slap in the face and made me realise how imperfect I was. It crushed my pride. But this loving truth from God also drove me closer to God because I came to know His love for me in a deeper, mind-blowing way.

I realised that I could never love another fellow sinner with my own capacity because that would almost always be insufficient. I needed to go to God, re-experience His love for me all over again and love my spouse-to-be with the love that I received.

I also began to understand how God was moulding my character through this relationship. 

An intimate relationship does not always bring out the best in you. In fact, at times, it can reflect and magnify your character flaws in ways that you’ll never discover on your own. This helps to point out my blind spots for me to work on.

How to handle anger in a relationship

The journey of sanctification has just begun. It’s challenging and stretches me out of my own comfort zone. However, isn’t that growth? We can never grow if we remain comfortable. After all, the purpose of holiness is to make us more like Christ.

For the longest time in my walk with God, I always wondered what holiness truly meant. But I never seemed to get an answer that satisfied me.

I believe that this is God’s greater plan and purpose for my relationship.