Relationships

I don’t want to be single forever

Lim Jun Heng // October 19, 2018, 5:29 pm

Alone-for-forever

What’s your greatest fear?

Cockroaches? Heights? Roller coasters? Those are pretty bad, but my greatest fear isn’t any of those things.

I fear being single for life.

No partner, no proposals, no wedding, no soulmate, no kids, no growing old together … Just me, Jesus, and an empty house at the end of life. I’ve been dominated by that fear all throughout the teenage years of my life.

But as I look around, I realise that I’m not the only one with such a fear around me. I believe this anxiety is one reason why we’re so desperate to fall in love even as teenagers – even if we know the person we’re dating probably isn’t who God has in store for us. Since most of us face that fear, I think the question is what do we do about it?

I’ve fallen head over heels for numerous girls in the past.

In hindsight, I thank God for protecting me from getting into a relationship with them. There were many reasons I couldn’t see at the time like different levels of spiritual maturity, theologies and callings. And sure, I had my own flaws and insecurities to work through and things that needed resolving.

But the fact of the matter is no one is perfect – all are flawed. We are all sinful people in need of grace. So satisfaction and feeling of intimacy you think you can find in that relationship can give you, will only be there for a fleeting moment before the fights and struggles – inevitable when two broken people are together.

We need to be careful we aren’t in love with the idea of love.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

I’ve written about this example before, but one night, while recovering from a heartbreak, I was reading Romans 5 when verse 8 jumped out at me. I realised all I had ever been searching for could not be found in a mere feeling, relationship or even a future partner.

I am convinced complete satisfaction can only be found in the person of Jesus Christ.

He is the all-sufficient God, the only one capable of giving a wandering soul true satisfaction and rest. From the moment I gave my life to Christ, I realised that the best place I can be is in the very presence of God who loves me beyond all compare.

Take it from a guy who ultimately had to turn to God after an endless cycle of falling in and out of love.

For years, I let the fear of singlehood drive me and all I did. But looking back at it now, I realised that such a fear-driven mentality had cost me so much in the area of my relationships – especially with God.

2 Timothy 1:7 tells us that as sons and daughters of the King, we don’t need to have to live in fear – instead we have a spirit of power, godly love and of a sound mind.

When led by God this way, instead of just feeling your way through the next ordeal and getting everyone hurt along the way, you can find security in your relationship with God and operate in line with His will.

I initially thought that if I just wholly devoted myself to Christ then the issue with my constant crushes would just fade away.

I was wrong. In fact … I have a huge crush right now. But I’m fighting to keep my focus on God.

I know that though I walk through this fire again, I won’t be burnt like the past. He will be with me (Isaiah 43:2) and in all things – even in heartbreak.

I know He will be my constant and will work all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).