The circuit breaker broke me
Yeo Zhi Yi // June 4, 2020, 12:14 pm
I thought I had been coping well with the pandemic.
There were genuine moments of joy and accomplishment in this season of disruption, like finding a new Netflix series to binge on (new Peaky Blinders fan here!), conquering my fear of Photoshop and having quality conversations over Zoom.
But with the element of busyness absent from my life, thoughts that I used to bury at the back of my mind made their way to the centre of my attention. These thoughts compounded into a single one every time: When will the world go back to normal?
I’m sure we all know by now that this will not happen. Buzzwords like “the new normal” have dominated headlines and new regulations are established with every passing day.
I am currently an unemployed graduate with ample time and an empty planner.
Maybe it was a combination of cabin fever, a point of Netflix saturation, a weekend void of social interactions or an overdose of bad news. But I finally broke.
Or as I prefer to describe it, the circuit breaker broke me.
I remembered sitting down and pouring out all my fears and uncertainties to God.
My concerns were not so much job anxiety as I already knew I wanted to take some time off before entering the working world. Rather, it was about leaving behind my identity as a student.
I really enjoyed my years in university, but now I was going from the peak of my life into an unknown season of work. Adulthood felt like a huge question mark compared to being a student, where there was a familiar flow that I could go along with.
I feared loneliness, friendships falling apart, an uncertain future and the disappearance of routines that used to mean the world to me. It was the first time that I properly grieved over the loss of a pre-COVID world.
It was then God showed me this verse.
“Certainly every man at his best state is but vapour. Surely every man walks about like a shadow; Surely they busy themselves in vain; He heaps up riches, And does not know who will gather them.
“And now Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You.” – Psalm 39:5b-7 (NKJV)
As children of God, we cannot place our faith in circumstances. During these times, God is revealing how He is sovereign over all man-made routines and efforts. When we are stripped of everything that we know of, what do we do?
We hope in Him.
The world is bound to disappoint, but hoping in Him is an anchor for our soul (Hebrews 6:19).
At the end of it all, God is the only certainty in life. While it might take us a long while to get used to this “new normal”, trusting in God one day at a time will fill this journey with peace.
Each day may pose new concerns and worries, but I encourage you to take on these battles with God by your side.
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7 NKJV)
So go ahead and give yourself room to grieve over the loss of things that are important to you, even if they seem small compared to the catastrophes the world is facing.
He is near to every burdened and broken child (Psalm 34:18). You were never meant to carry these burdens alone.
Ask Him to help you to try and trust again. Know that He has your heart, your future and your losses in mind.
While I grieve for the loss of yesterday’s world, I know I can cling on to the God of tomorrow.
THINK + TALK
- Are there any losses or disappointments you’re grieving over?
- What fears do you have for the future?
- What does hoping in God mean to you?