Relationships

What hope remains if I’ve lost my virginity?

From "Real Talk: Exposing 10 Myths About Love & Sexuality", a book by Kallos

Veronique Cheung // June 30, 2020, 10:32 am

Kallos chapter

As a young teenager, I was a bookworm hooked on reading romantic fiction.

In these novels, love was associated with passionate embraces and romance always ended well. Watching TV was also one of my hobbies and I loved watching romantic movies. These novels and movies framed my perspective of love as a teenager.

I started to date my boyfriend at 14 years old. Holding hands and kissing were such new and exciting experiences. I felt loved with the love I read about in novels and saw in the movies. After more than a year together, we became more physically intimate.

As naïve as I was, I genuinely thought that he was going to be my husband in a few years and hence, having sex with him was all right.

We were together for 5 years and then he broke up with me. I was totally devastated. I was so desperate. I pleaded with him to come back but to no avail.

Why did this happen? I tried to continue with my life for a year but realised that I could not let go. A good Christian friend of mine asked me to attend church with her but I was extremely reluctant. However, I would go out with her and her church friends.

I was on the verge of dying. I was 1.55m tall and weighed only 30 kg.

Around that time, I started to exercise more and even started weighing my food. I thought that if I couldn’t get my ex-boyfriend to love me, at least I could control my body weight. Slowly, I started suffering from anorexia. This lasted around two years. I was on the verge of dying. I was 1.55m tall and weighed only 30 kg.

One day, I decided to attend church. I got in touch with a friend who started doing Bible study with me. I got to know more about God. Psalm 139:13-14 spoke to me deeply. I was confident that I was fearfully and wonderfully made.

I found agape love, the love of a Heavenly Father who started to restore me.

7 years of eating disorder: Self-hatred ate me up from the inside

Along this journey, God revealed to me that I had been sinning against Him in the way I had been leading my life, including my early sexual exposure. He also assured me that He forgives when I confess my sins. So, I trusted Him and did so. Little by little, my life changed. I put on healthy weight and made peace with my past.

I also learned the true meaning of love through Paul’s writing in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. I had been blind regarding my perspective on love but I started to see what true love was. Six years after my break up, I finally forgave my ex-boyfriend. I was relieved, as well as sad because I had lost all these years.

Who would now want to marry an “elderly” 26-year-old lady like me with such a past? But I was at peace. As long as I had God, I knew that He had plans for me to prosper.

As we surrender our lives to Him and abide in Him, He will restore us in His way.

Indeed, a year later, I met my husband-to-be at church. He was home from overseas for the holidays. The following year, we prayerfully started a long-distance relationship. I knew that God had set him apart for me and yet, I found it hard to share about my past relationship with him.

However, I knew I had to.

He didn’t judge or blame me when he knew. I also confessed my past to our pastor and he encouraged us. God is truly gracious.

A young woman’s journey out of sexual trauma and brokenness

Eventually, we got married when I was 30.

The journey from courtship to marriage was not easy. After not seeing each other for months, it became natural to hug and kiss each other. At times, we had long embraces, which we had to be careful about, because we knew how easy it can be to cross boundaries.

We asked God to forgive and help us. We tried not to be alone too often and reminded ourselves that we would soon be married and be able to enjoy the intimacy of this beautiful relationship.

Through God’s grace, I got married. I am also blessed with two kids. I believe that there is always hope for girls who have lost their virginity. As we surrender our lives to Him and abide in Him, He will restore us in His way.

This short story is taken from Kallos’ new book, “Real Talk: Exposing 10 Myths About Love & Sexuality”. Be encouraged by 22 God-loving, relatable and courageous writers who share real-life experiences and teach from God’s Word to help you distinguish between truth and lies. Pick up your copy here!

THINK + TALK

  1. What does love mean to you?
  2. How does love look like to the world?
  3. How does the Bible define love?